Sight beyond Sight, and more, much, much more

With the unknown

2010-04-14T05:19:00.000-07:00

new link - http://trinitycarlin.blogspot.com/

Remembering the Past, the Present, and indeed - the future

2010-02-05T02:21:00.000-08:00

'D' - - - V

And so, as I once again sit writing, and as I begin to bring all my blogs to an end {the V of them 7 years 7 months on from the beginning of the 1st one} in Feb. 2010', it was to be the day {Vth Jan}, that news was coming out that the UDA was the next day to announce final Decommissioning of their weapons. This V weeks before the deadline.

And so today the Vth I finish of and bring to an end this chapter in my journey, on yet another Day of History - but a new one begins, as outlined later in this final entry.

And so as I ‘watched ‘sky news at 00.0V am, it was to be on the Vth of Feb 2010’ that the last peace of our turmoil filled past was put in place. ‘10 days of talks and now a V point document and more through ‘Dialogue which will see ‘Change – and the moving forward to a more peaceful secure and stable society for our citizens

Indeed it has been a long and turmoil filled journey and more needs to be done as we move forward into the next phase, were we need also to see delivery for our citizens in need - and on those bread and butter issues.

And later on that day - news was coming through that the INLA also had dumped their arms of war, while several other organisations also announced similar in the following hours.

My previous blogs where

1st} West Belfast, the past the present and the future {on the Blanket website - V parts with picture also of me as a kid}

2nd} Davy Carlin online Diary

3rd} A working class journey from war to peace

4th} The continuance of change

Vth} Sight beyond Sight and more, much, much more.

This is indeed the last input of my v blogs, and as I bring this journey to an end I do nevertheless begin another one anew. I have come a long way since I started writing in the mid 90’s through to now. Indeed not only within writing but also within life I have come from, at times, a politically naïve, angry and indeed still turmoil filled young man at war. Through to now a seasoned activist, chilled and at peace, as I now approach middle age and my 40th birthday.

(Maybe almost 40, but still damned good looking!}

Yet looking back briefly I thought of all that that had went before within the conflict, and how, step by step our turmoil filled and brutal past was slowly being filled with hope and peace. Indeed it has been an exhaustive and testing journey, for many - both in life and in mind, yet I have always believed that the greater good would prevail and ‘watch over that journey - and that the collective interests of our peoples would eventually be realised as we moved forward to ‘peace.

Indeed sitting here in my 39th year I watched as another 39 year old {UAF} made their own history - for a spell, by becoming the first woman First Minister for Northern Ireland after much had unfolded in a remarkable week that had seen the previous first minister stand down.

Yet after a remarkable last decade – in oh, so many ways – this new decade has started off in the same vein, as we work our way forward evermore from War to Peace.

Yee know as I now seek to move on to other things in life and journeys anew, in seeking to acquire greater understanding and knowledge of other issues. I think of all that had gone before. In doing so, I see not only history made and witnessed, but clarity and evolution of both my thoughts and mind strengthening.

And as I read back over all my Blogs and writings including Indymedia Ireland I think of that Journey

Link to Indymedia - http://www.indymedia.ie/article/85828

{Also reading down through that article {put up on the 17th’} from post number 17’ onwards much can be read of the history of the mass {and at times historic} Movements and moments on Belfast streets.

And within those Movements, campaigns and such, I could write {having been at the forefront of each} a whole book on each independent one of them such are my memories and the history held. As I could on my Life as a child at War, or on my travels of the world, or on the anti capitalist movement at home through to living in the {Hippy} peace camps and squats abroad, or on Street Seen/MPH, on my life as a Revolutionary Socialist/ Anarchist, from War to Peace, on Sight beyond Sight {home and away}. And then there was again the work with others that had seen the Falls and Shankill march, through to the anti sectarian rallies, some of 100’s and 1000s’ and indeed eventually tens of thousands. And of course there was my sporting achievements and the mad disco, raving {and DJaying times with my mate for a few years -and that too, was some trip} -and all the party times of my teenage years and 20's - and 30's!

Jesus, that is 10 or more off the top of my head!

Yet I have written enough on most such matters, and as I approach my 40th I look back on my childhood, teenage years and older youth and I realise I have lived and packed more than a dozen whole life times into that short time.

And as stated before, I had lived and seen many die, I had laughed, cried, loved, been loved, danced, sang, debated and marched, and stood shoulder to shoulder with friends, girlfriends, lovers, partners and comrades over those years. Some for moments, others for weeks or months, and others again for years but all partof my life journey in time.

Yet I didn’t realise I had written so much and in such detail, which as stated before has been important. I had also stated before that I would put up {or publish} other writings and other recordings of the history of such times and Movements but {as stated above} I believe I have covered enough as I read through. And on the once Belfast SWP {as I had promised to do up a further recording also of my times there}, again on reading through my past writings I believe I have covered the gist of what I would want to say in these blogs– and for lessons to be learnt.

{More importantly though for the foreseeable future my eyes and mind are looking elsewhere at a new journey, yet maybe, maybe, in the later years of my life I may tie all the journeys together}.

But briefly on the SWP presently, {as so one can see where it all ended} well within this link I can agree with quite a bit, more especially the point that

‘When you’re on the receiving end of democratic centralism rather than the dispensing end, it concentrates the mind wonderfully’.

Link - http://splinteredsunrise.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/you-see-richard-building-a-revolutionary-party-is-very-much-like-making-love-to-a-beautiful-woman/

Now as I think back to my first input in my first blog {on the Blanket website 7y 7m on entitled - A personal ‘Voyage of taboo}, it was on the issue of religion. And as I finished that article it had showed my scepticism of organised religious belief, {yet I had started of as a religious believer, albeit a reluctant one} and then eventually I moved towards another Vanguard, that of atheism.

In time I started to understand that both ‘positions’ where the same in belief, as it was simply a belief, indeed both believed in something that they could not prove - that there is or isn’t something else after death.

Yet given all my problems with organised religion, nevertheless I have come to understand if there is something {and some one}that can give and provide genuine hope and support that can bring you through hard times, then that is a good thing.

Indeed in many authoritarian and dogmatic organisations there are still many genuine people {at different levels}, may it be church or state, or indeed within the Left of Politics – who have and do offer genuine help and support to those in need of such.

And although many organisations have and are being dragged by the scruff of the neck into the 21st century – there are though many individuals within each who are good and genuine people who would not look away from those in their time of need.

For me though, as I have always stated I learn primarily from my own life’s experiences, histories and journeys. And so this Christmas the books that I was bought, the DVD’s given, the recordings presented, and the study that I begin to undertake -has now begun to move on from the political arena, in a sense.

And so as I began on Christmas to read the first such book it was entitled

The Noetic Universe’ by ‘Dean Radin, the first DVD watched was on Quantum Mechanics, the recording’s I got access to also heard evidence recently released of such related topics.

This as well as reading up on other theories including that of ‘Dabrowski's theory of positive disintegration {D3 –V}

- And as for my present studies, and that degree I have long talked of doing, well it may 'eventually be in Quantum Physics and Quantum theory in general - although the realities {excuse the pun} of life may direct such 'Formal study elsewhere {and it is deep graft given my reading and study of its basics - and my time is presently short in that regard}. And on other issues, and other initial books that I had been given recently included ‘Yesterday’s children and past lives future lives, and a book entitled ‘Within and Beyond.

In tandem with that Marie and I attend - other - classes to seek greater awareness, and I know in the times ahead that I will once again be upon platforms and in study rooms giving talks and lectures etc – but on these such matters.

Indeed there is belief, yet, I KNOW, that there is something else, in the here and now, and beyond. Indeed if one reads through and within my blogs it was not about seeking to convert others to a ‘belief, it was as it has always been, to write of the times, provide the facts and evidence and let others come to their own understanding.

And that history has now been written – again – and for those that have followed that journey will understand the reasoning for my new path, that new journey. I will not go over that past journey again, only to say this, that there is more, much, much more to the last decade of this world than meets many eyes.

And now as my eyes turn elsewhere I think of Christmas 09 and moving into 2010 and the fun and laughter I had with family friends and comrades.

Well the last few months up to and over Christmas had seen me attending various events, but first. I had seen yet more death in my extended family both young and older. Indeed no matter how many times I have in life looked into a coffin and upon the face of a child, it is always heartbreaking. And my thoughts are with those recently passed on.

Indeed just before Christmas Marie and I did our visit to the graves of relatives, and at each as we stood together in silence I thought of those passed on, and as each year passes I acknowledge ever more my own mortality.

Yet for me the recent decades was also about leaving something positive behind.

Coming from the turmoil and brutality of war we needed to see a situation that such turmoil need not arise again, and I believed that change was needed both for those who lived here and for those who sought to live here.

Also in the time before Christmas Marie and I headed down to the WSM 25th birthday celebrations in Dublin. It was a great night as we got up to dance, chat and had a laugh. I had also seen a few faces of old, and in our time there I even had a few handshakes with some of my former SWP comrades in which we wished each other all the best. Marie had also remarked on how much Dublin is changing since we used to go down regularly a decade or so ago for my meetings of the Irish Political Committee or for speeches at rallies or conferences.

I have to say also, that the wee cone shaped paper holders that held our chips at the buffet brought back memories of how they use to be served in many chippies years ago.

Then a picture was taken that included founding members of the WSM and past and present members, with our fists raised in the air – that, like others, will be a classic in time -I have no doubt.

It reminded me of a picture I have at home taken at our house when we held a house party {one of many} many years ago, which had most of the backbone of the once Belfast SWP at it.

Indeed in recent times we had also WSM comrades coming up to our home for chats, debate, meals and a few jars and staying over, as of old. We have in recent time did our city centre stalls, estate and University distribution, had our meetings, provided solidarity -and have had a few socialising sessions together coming up to Christmas.

Yet I found that there is a difference in not only as to how the WSM works, such as with the internal sites for debate and discussion amongst members rather than ‘party notes handed out from a centre.

But it, as always, is the smaller things that I notice, for example I remember when before {in previous organisation} when ‘some people’ {not me, as I was having none of it} wanted to go back to study or to even go on holiday the ‘Party elite’ would try and argue them out of doing such, as the ‘revolution is nigh’ and ‘they where needed’ etc. Yet thinking back I remember quite a few comrades living in real poverty, others really ill and others again having taken their own lives. While on the other hand there where others who where comfortably well off in well paid {culturally middle class}careers, with cars, bought homes and/or plenty of cash on the hip and in stash.

Yet for the WSM in Belfast we have women comrades taking the lead and time, in setting up their own local businesses and so inspiring others. This while continuing their activism. We had student comrades moving aboard to study for several years as so they can seek to better themselves in life, while on coming back on breaks continuing their activism. We have other comrades recently heading of for months volunteering in other lands again gaining experience and adventure, while still engaging with their thoughts and ideas from afar. And we have those who have sought to go for a few months to far of lands, while they where still young enough and unattached enough to do it, but who now may well stay years, or even a lifetime if they can.

Yet all remain active either with similar groups abroad or active in other fields where they continue still to seek to create a better society and world. Of course it is difficult when active comrades go off, more especially when we are but a few, yet if one has the belief and understanding of such change in mind then wherever one lays one’s hat then that is where the change is worked.

For me I have seen to many go under while those at the top wine and dine.

Indeed I came to understand that the revolutionary socialist party was simply a reflection in many ways of the Capitalist society, top down leadership, through to top down in terms of wealth.

So for me I began to understand that there needed to be a balance, that is, while seeking to effect change for others, to seek to better and live life and aspired dreams oneself – which I did, and would and do encourage others to do.

Nevertheless for me {at the time} I did in effect give up a career and much more for that political activism, yet looking back it was some fucking trip {although I am fortunate to be young enough and able enough, as I begin to get back on the career rung – but having learnt that money, while a necessity - the rush to accumulate as much of it as possible, is not the key to happiness } Indeed I have been tested and exhausted in body and mind in recent years, yet it was worth it – as I look around me, and at that change.

Well also coming up to Christmas, we went over to my Gran’s in the Murph and sat and chatted about times of old. I remember also pointing out the spot to Marie where in front of the fire that was where I was bathed in a big tin tub every Saturday night by my gran as a child when I lived there. We all sat and reminisced about happy and fond times of old, I enjoy those moments.

Up at my mums we also had a sing- a- long where we all joined in on singing country and Western and Irish folk songs off old, right through to present day songs.

Classic times now in memory

And as I had not done it in a while I also went out for a session of pool and snooker with some of Marie’s Cousins {and eventually met up with a few of my cousins}, through to Mum in law, Marie and myself catching a flick {2012} at the pictures together.

Then it was Marie’s Birthday and a crowd of us went first to a live band session then on to a disco. Where by the end of the night we had everyone wearing these glow bands around their arms and head. At one stage of the night I was moon walking in my bare feet across the floor before attempting the worm and spinning on my back with these glow things all over me.

What a night - great craic.

Again one of those moments that I remember that may seem insignificant to others, but a chilled memory for me was on Christmas Eve. It was 7.30 or so and Marie and I decided to take a walk. Well we started walking and chatting about all sorts, of people we once both knew, of past holidays and adventures, of maybe in the time ahead moving to a larger house, of what part of the world we wanted to see next and of what we wanted out of the coming year. Well, we walked literally around Belfast chatting singing and laughing with hardly a sinner about. The next thing we knew bells rang out and it was midnight Christmas day and we where on the other side of Belfast! We had not even seen the time go with all chatting, it was about 2am on Christmas day when we arrived home just in time to open our presents.

Then on Christmas day Marie and I headed to Marie’s mums for Christmas Dinner, with a packed house, a big feed and a few drinks I settled down afterwards to chill and let my dinner settle. And so with some pleasant chat and good company all was relaxed - but by 10 o clock that night {and after a few beers} we had at least a half a dozen of us guys {including myself – 20 something’s to 40 something’s} stripping off our tops and sliding along the ground on the snow, doing clapping hand press ups, and battering each other with snowballs as each of us alpha males attempted to assert our presence.

(I remember one Christmas here, at a relative’s house on the side of the mountain where Marie and I and many others would be in the huge hot tub {40 degrees hot} sipping on our champagne or lemonade on Christmas day as the snow fell all around us. Then Marie and I would go through the wee Spanish garden all lit up, and go up the stairs. Where we would open the doors in one of the rooms and go out onto one of the huge balconies and look out over Belfast and up at the stars – as we chilled}

Yet the sliding along the snow though threw me back briefly in time as a kid in Twinbrook. Where we as kids on a big grass hill we used to sit on lino or on cardboard, or in bread baskets, and slide really fast down the hill on the dry hardened grass towards a river, this as the summer sun beat down.

Yee know another classic memory, great craic.

And so after the snowball larks out came the karaoke machine, with myself {and others} singing and on our knees head banging to the group Europe and the song ‘the final countdown, through to slower songs such as UB 40’s ‘fools rush in, and dirty dancing songs and some classic eighties dance tunes - these where also my favourites. It reminded me {as stated before} of some great times in childhood and youth of discos I had went to with my mates on the Falls Road, and another on the Andytown Road and then others up in and around Twinbrook, and many more in the city centre, and even more further afield and abroad..

And so when we woke up on Boxing Day, it was then up to my mum’s. It was another great feed and great craic as a big bottle of Champagne was wheeled out by my mum. Sitting there having a good feed and sitting around the table laughing and chatting with my brothers and sisters, my mum, Marie and our god child and nieces and nephew - like up at mum in law’s, for me was what Christmas is all about.

After that we played on the new X box with the kids, had a chat like Marie and I do about life and what we want out of it, and talked a bit about my new understandings and beliefs. We also put on aul DVDs of the 70’s and 80’s of where we had lived and sang a few songs, reminisced of old times and of our relatives who had passed on.

Another classic time and memory.

The next few days Marie and I did a shop till we drop spree at the January sales, as well as taking dander’s around the parks, fields and meadows, as we chilled.

Then on New years eve to see in 2010 we had went both to my mums and to Marie’s aunts on that night as we chatted, sang, partied and danced. Then as the bells chimed out for 2010 we set of our fire works, as the moon looked down in all its fullness from the sky. We looked up and seen also lights in the sky and someone said jokingly ‘here comes the aliens, and I said less jokingly, ‘not yet’ It was but Chinese lanterns we believe, sent up into the night to mark New Years. And so as Marie’s head nestled upon my shoulder as we stood on the side of a mountain in Poleglass estate we looked over Twinbrook below and looked out further over the city of Belfast and beyond – and thought of the future .

At Christmas I got loads of lovely gifts as did Marie. One of the presents Marie got was from her aunt and cousin and it was of all different photos of our time together both at home and on our travels around the world. They were set in lovely decorative frames all set together which we now have on our wall. Yet looking back to one of the pictures of our first holiday to the sun it has Marie and I on a golden beach and clear water as the sun beat down, and in the background a ship we had taken on a day cruise.

We look really young in the photo as I was in my mid 20’s’ and Marie in her early 20’s. Indeed I remember that day as if it where yesterday as we jumped with many others off the ship into the sea to collect bottles of Champagne that the reps had thrown in as part of the party games on board, and although the water was really deep we got a few bottles! We then swam to the wee secluded island where we all played beach volley ball and all sorts of beach games as the drink flowed with the barbecues always stocked right into the night as the stars came out into the clear sky.

Yet I remember also the trips me and my mates had took abroad and around Ireland many years back and again some more classics memories, with mark, slick and gary etc. Indeed just before that trip to the sun I remember Marie and I, my mate Mark and his girl friend, sitting organising a holiday to Scotland. Again like much other as I write I am smiling as I remember the criac we had there - we where just still big kids really. The horsey back races, and larking about, the visiting and entering of haunted castles, the discos, parties, and the time we went for a take away - the sketch Marie and I have when we talk about such times.

I remember back also to friends I had in Scotland and I would visit them and head of to a Celtic match and they would come to Belfast to visit me. And the time Marie and I went to a day trip to Scotland, Jesus, thirteen and a half year ago now – how it flies in. Well, didn’t we fall asleep on the bus and ended up a 100 miles or so away from where we where meant to be and so having to try to make our way back to Belfast on the same day!

Indeed so many memories over the years of travel even right up to a few weeks ago where Marie and I where retelling such to my cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles up at my gran’s recently.

Well, a couple of months ago we headed of again on a wee trip to the sun, but didn’t we have a problem with our flight coming home. So there we are standing actually preparing to board, to get on the plane, when we were all told that there was a problem with the flight and only a certain amount of people could get on. So Marie and I with a few sandwiches, crisps and juice and about 2 pound in our pocket, with others, let the families with kids, older people, and those who desperately needing to get home get on the plane.

Of course there were others, who kicked up a fuss that they should get on first and some got on, but by and large decency prevailed and up to 50 of us remained behind. For Marie and I, well we had even slept overnight in airports in recent years {when planes where delayed}so we settled down on the floor preparing for yet another long haul in yet another airport in yet another country around the world – waiting for our complementary water and sandwich.

But an hour or two later we were told we where being taken to accommodation for the night. And as we travelled Marie and I laughed and joked with others that maybe we will be given a tent for the night – as we set of into the eventual darkness and on yet another adventure.

When we eventually arrived, there was silence as we set our eyes upon the luxurious top star Hilton Hotel {as most of us had gone on late last minute deals and few like ourselves had much cash on the hip}. Well we signed in, got our key and went to our room. It had a huge bed, plasma TV, huge mahogany study desk, beautiful marble bathroom and more with all the trimmings – {the rooms themselves costing several hundred pounds - at least -a night}. We had our meals and complementary drinks {each sitting at least 50 quid a pop} and the use of it facilities including a massive luxurious swimming pool and gym etc.

And as the sun beat down Marie and I messed about in the pool, with Marie on my shoulders, on my back, doing dives, races etc, as we also chilled, got massages, went for dander’s and lived it up for a while like the others who had come with us. Also while we where there Marie and I watched a Sicilian type wedding that was like something out of the Godfather – some with their white suits and gold shoes!

Indeed at dinner some wondered what those who had fussed their way onto the plane would have thought as they saw us lording it up in luxury. At the end of the day we where told by our reps that they still could not get a plane for us, yet the once worries {about getting back home} had all but eerily disappeared as we went into the next day and the next.

Yet all good things come to an end, almost, as we then several days later were taken back to the airport. But the plane specially chartered only had the 50 or so of us on board. And so on the flight back home it had seen Marie lazing out over three seats and me {and most of the plane} doing similar with our complementary pillows and blankets. We then munched and drank our complementary grub and drink as we watched the latest shows on our TV’s with our complementary ear phones.

Classic -

And again the chat was of those who fussed to get on the plane and those who stood back and put others first, well this time, the goodies benefitted.

Yee know that is but a couple of memories from a few early travels and a recent one, and as stated above I could write a whole book on such travel and times, as I could write on those many other journey’s in life and such times - but as stated, I have written enough for the reasons stated previously - but I have also to say, that it has also been quite therapeutic in part.

I return now briefly to politics and as I think back {and as to how I had written and worked my political journey}, it was to the lyrics of that classic song ‘I did it my way’ - indeed those words sum up that aspect of that recent particular journey in my life –

And I think of working for change so such times need not arise again for a new generation.

Yet as stated before, living and coming through a war, for many the turmoil and scars are not visible There were brutal times that changed many forever, and a battle for some who attempt still to get part of that lost personality back.

Indeed in recent times I went into my wardrobe and moved aside my hoodies and reached for a suit, shirt and tie, long hidden at the back as I prepare to move on in life.

In doing so an aul small penknife fell out and for a moment it took me back to a youth.

And so I imaged a youth,

I imaged a youth long gone in mind, on top of another with a noose around their neck. I imaged the face of that youth holding the noose, with his face bloodied, with snot and tears running into mouth and face covered in dirt– and reeking of much more. I image his eyes of nothingness and eyes of the madness {of the child at war}, of seeking to survive in a lawless, and to him, a very frightening and brutal world. I sensed his flick knife inside his sock, and that of a bowie knife holstered to his back – and an instinct to survive, at any cost, if necessary. And as the boots and fists rained in on his face he felt nothing, numbness, as it was the words of hatred and worthlessness that made him ache more, not in body but in mind. I seen also the visible scars, self inflicted at times, but sensed that his non - visible scars cut much deeper. I sensed deep within him a fun loving kid lost, a personality lost, a life lost, as the nothingness took over and changed him - maybe forever.

Yet in the time ahead such unimaginable turmoil of mind and the 'medically termed 'psychosis', well, from moving from being in such at such unimaginable times in life -and battling through, I though eventually was able to 'Deliberately bring myself into such and out again -over time.

Why?

Well I was to learn, that for me, not only was this the ultimate trance like state to seek greater understanding, but such 'Alternative realities' was to begin to provide answers to this reality {of mind}.

Indeed it was not as I had once thought, of a matter of 'clearing my head' to 'get better' - but {for me} it was a matter of understanding, and then knowing, of what was in mind - and then embracing and eventually working such - for the greater good.

And I was to eventually acknowledge, that at -this time - that I was to be unique in such terms.

You know, what we live, how we exist, and all such {belief} reality is but a small part. – it is but a beginning - I have found.

Yep, war is a terrible thing, in oh, so many ways, but for me it has also been a journey in mind from the unknown to that of the more known and understood - and that journey continues.

And so as I put on my shirt and tie and prepared to go to a job interview I first went upon Black Mountain 33’ years on since I had picked up those bricks and unbroken bottles as a 7’ year old kid. In doing so I buried that knife and much more, as I looked up and smiled to the heavens and then made my way back down the Mountain into the community from which I was reared, and in which I had stood with over many years, in my own way.

Yet I looked back one last time in such terms and thought of all the change and the hope and aspirations that many more could have.

I thought also of that journey from war to peace not only practically but in mind.

And finally I thought of how much I had written both within and throughout my articles and of that journey as so a new generation need not have to live that life of such times - and in doing so I smiled knowingly and acknowledged -that the rest now, can be written by History.

Today on that day of history it was called 'A Momentous Journey'

- Indeed it was -

And so as I begin a journey anew and bring to an end these blogs and such writings, I now also begin with others to discuss and organise video showings and introductions on the issues surrounding Quantum theories and such matters.

And so in recent times that once child of the ghettoes of the Murph estate arose to his feet, and as he made his way to the podium he thought and remembered.

He remembered and thought for this final time of that child now 30’ years ago aged 10’ who had knelt up upon his knees with his arms outstretched upon Black Mountain and echoed his Almighty heart wrenching and turmoil filled cries over the city of Belfast –

- And with that I took to the podium these 30 years on, and again opened my arms outstretched, and I looked around at the gathered crowds at some of the eyes of turmoil, pain and loss.

- And in doing so - in the beginning, I now sought to begin to offer further hope and change, ‘Visibly this time, with more new adventures, home and far away – in that new beginning - that journey anew

---As a 'Psychic' {without doubt}---

and - maybe - as a Medium {?} as I seek further understanding on such.

The Prophet and the Proletariat.

2009-11-17T03:23:00.000-08:00

As I travel in mind back through history, I remember the decades past – and living history through those eyes.

Back in 1979 I was active around the Clonard Monastery {Falls road,West Belfast}before becoming an altar boy there, and remember all our preparations for the forthcoming and historic Pope’s visit – and more, as the years progressed.

I was always impressed in those early years by the huge temples of worship, and as I have travelled I have seen many such temples within many such religions. Many dripping with gold and marble, trinkets and statues, hung on walls are expensive portraits commemorating war and death.

In many I have seen the history or war, persecution and brutality to assert eaches authority; I see the revisionism of all, and the absurdity of some of their stands in a changing world.

For me my joy, my understanding, my belief, can be found in that around us, in the mountains and valleys, in the fields the rivers and forests, in that above us, the sky the stars the sun and all the various elements. And within and throughout us, I had realised, there is much more yet fully to be understood by most.

Indeed, for me, that is where much can be found and understood, and as stated before, part of my ashes on my death will be sprinkled upon Black Mountain for those who wish to be with me after death.

Then in 1989' I remember myself with my arms outstretched running one arm across a wall in a far of land. It would be just a few short weeks before that wall, the Berlin wall, was to fall - in its entirety.

In 1999 I remember the build up to our four branches in Belfast {and the important Movements} and creating a force for change- that one was to take forward. Yet it would be shortly after that, that I was also to begin to understand another force, and eventually to understand and to take that forward also in tandem.

Now in 2009 I sit around the table within the Fledgling branch of the Belfast WSM, as I do in other meetings and functions anew for oneself, but still with those eyes of history, those eyes for change.

Yee know, I look around our world, in the past and the present, and at times shake my head with despair. I see still much self interest and greed; we see still war and famine, I see the destruction of peoples and our planet, yet through it all I still have hope of change.

There are times in our history where chances are offered for change, to step change away from war and brutality, self interest and destruction. And when those times Arise they should be grasped by those who understand such necessity.

It is hard at times and much other destructive interest can be against us, nevertheless that struggle for such change continues.

Well in recent times another has passed from our world that I had known and was a great advocate for working people.

Chris Harman was a key member of the British SWP and as I had written in another site –

'My first meeting with Chris {not long after meeting Cliff} was back in the mid 90’s when as a youngster I had travelled over from Belfast to speak at my first Marxism in London event.

Chris like Cliff had a real influence on me in both their writings and words {And I must say that I was crapping myself as I saw Chris sitting in the audience as I had rose to speak back then - as I had thought of all the knowledge and history he held.

Nevertheless his words at the end where softly spoken, comforting and reassuring. And although I left the SWP 5 or so years ago {as I began to draw other conclusions} nevertheless his books and writings I had still read through at times, as a source of not only knowledge but also of inspiration.

Condolences to all who knew and grieve for Chris, his legacy will no doubt live on to educate many in that tradition'.

- - - Chris died at the age of 67 on the 6-7th noV in Cairo - - - .

Yet, despite my leaving the SWP I have a lot of fond memories and respect still for many of its members past and present - as in belfast. That is, apart from the odd couple {in Belfast}, where I have known of the venom and lies articulated of my leaving the SWP, of the viciousness and attempted obstruction against a relative seeking truth and justice of a relative's murder, of the betrayals, and much much more.

Yet I have let it play out, and for people, as always, to come to their own understanding, and by and large for those that matter in our journey of moving forward for progressive change– that has been completed.

Indeed in recent times I have also spoken to quite a few activists {home and away} who had and have been around and where members of the SWP past and present {including five Sean’s!}. At times recounting old memories and renewing contacts, as so in the time ahead once again seeking to work together for the greater good.

So as we come to the end of yet another decade, I sit now around a table with comrades anew, and engage with comrades of old as we seek to move forward. Secondly I also attend new and alternative meetings with those friends I have known for years. Indeed in recent times as Marie and I had chatted to our friend Angel as we pencilled in our arrangements for us all heading to another function together {this time outside Belfast in the short time ahead} I thought of the two differing but similar connected meetings and functions.

With that I remembered, the left spoke – of ‘Raising the consciousness of the working class’. And in doing so I remembered looking upon the title of one of Chris Harman’s books -

‘The Prophet and the Proletariat’ and in doing so - - - I smiled at those words.

Indeed as I move into the next decade seeking as always progressive change for our citizens, I do so in the knowledge, the understanding, and the gift that’ Raising the consciousness of the working class’ can be done, in oh, so many ways.

Have a peaceful Christmas all – but I will return in 2010

As Always,

In Solidarity

D

Why stand I here like a ghost and a shadow?

2009-11-04T03:51:00.000-08:00

Sub Title -

Time is short - - - as so such need not 'Arise again.

'D'

On a cold brisk autumn morning dressed in black, with white shirt and black tie Marie and I made our way over to the Ballymurphy estate, and back to the house that I was born into.

We had been there several times before in the past few days, had met many, and listened to many acknowledgements of an uncle now passed on. And so once again with my arm around another’s shoulder and two in front, we carried the tricolour draped coffin, as befits an Irish Patriot, and how we bury our patriot dead.

His sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, friends and many more carried his coffin as we wound our way around the narrow streets of the Murph estate of my childhood. And although a small community {in size} it nevertheless was a proud community that holds much history.

And as I looked around and upon Black Mountain, and looked upon many houses of old I gave a fond smile. In doing so I remembered the song {and poem} of my young childhood that I hum to myself at such times’

'Lonely I wander through scenes of my childhood,
They call back to memory those happy days of yore
Gone are the old folk, the house that stands deserted,
No light in the windows, no welcome at the door.

Here's where the children played games on the heather,
Here's where they sailed their wee boats on the burn,
Where are they now ? Some are dead, some have wandered,
No more to their home shall those children return.

Lone is the house now and lonely the moorland,
The children are scattered, the old folk are gone,
Why stand I here like a ghost and a shadow ?'
Tis time I were moving, Tis time I passed on'.

My uncle was a good man and will be missed by many as was reflected by his send off.

In recent times I had sat in the BBC TV studios and had re counted part of my Journey in life as it was to be written. With several other authors, broadcasters and playwrights etc we also took questions from a packed audience and from the host interviewer Gerry Kelly.

I had got a great reception not only from those long established who had shared a platform with me, but more importantly for me, from those budding writers who were only beginning to write of their life journeys and other such.

Later that day though I was to be outside the BBC protesting {as can be read in previous blog input}. Yet I will give a brief account of the day, as I always do for record – and more especially this time, again, for lessons learnt and to be learnt.

WSM, Organise! non- aligned, punks, members of Antifa and others met up at City Hall. We then went to Ulster Hall to meet YAR as so to head around together given that the recent demo was confronted by an organised group of Fascists.

The SWP? {under the banner of the ARN} had decided to call this demo, and were contacted to talk about stewarding {by us above} – more especially given the real possibility of Fascist presence – they refused.

Anyhows at the time the demo was to start we started to march and head up to the BBC {great to see members of my aul Branch 8 committee - as I chatted to some of them as we headed up}. We rounded the corner to the BBC where probably about a dozen people had gathered.

If fascist’s had of already gathered, it could well have been very dangerous for those few anti racists there - but given that the ‘SWP had organised it’ {and refused calls to talk about stewarding}, I had thought they would have arranged something.

But there was about a half dozen SWP dandering about in one corner, and others who I knew, and they quickly made their way over to us. And so as we came around the corner and joined those there our numbers swelled to 80 – 90 and soon with more of us arriving to 100 plus.

A few minutes later the fascist’s started to arrive, and I called the ‘stewards’ to the front, as the SWP took to the fore with their mikes. The stewards where to act as a ‘line of defence’ rather than to attack - {as like the last demo with that defence sending again our situation to the world’s screens}.

So with the chants of those ‘leading it’ they then openly debated amongst themselves for a good ten minutes {and asking others} of what to do.

The buzz of ‘leading’ {the chants etc} had also seen {and I kid u not} those SWP with the mikes saying to each other ‘Jesus this is great craic’ great fun’

So providing no stewarding, not knowing what to do, with fascists just metres away from the protest photographing people, hurling abuse -and could well have attacked – 'it was great craic' - a day at the circus.

There is little I need to say in that regard – only this.

That these points are important to note as I had always stated that there is a difference between taking on racism and those who seek to organise against fascism.

And so on the day {although I stated I am taking a back seat this time around} I offered some advice as they where debating what to do for so long.

And that advice ‘may’ have been that ‘we organise’ with others an occupation of the BBC, as the opportunity was there. This ‘may’ have been for two reasons, firstly it was the focus for the rally, and secondly it would have given visible solidarity to those who where being dragged out of the BBC studios in London.

And with that advice, then ‘suddenly’ and with great haste - they then came to their own conclusions -to get people to the steps of the BBC and get a trade union official {who had arrived in the crowd} for them to listen to.

So their calls went up to herd others to the steps - but where ignored by virtually all.

And so an hour after start of demo {before heading on} I said to others about getting people away safely at the end. The next day as I read the front page headline ‘of the Belfast BBC stand of’ I thought of the difference between the all buzz student politics and that of the real politics - and how I have moved on.

Yet, and if, as is indicted in recent times that the SWP, has now little or no presence in Belfast {with people leaving or expulsions etc} then that is sad but was predicable, - nevertheless at it’s height it was a real force for change – and the lessons of both its Rise and Fall need to be recorded for that reason.

Indeed moving it to a real force for change, and then taking that force, political authority {and more} forward, had then seen visible change happen

And {as stated} I will put up various extensive radio and TV interviews and recordings of Movements I was involved in, – to go along with my personal writings, {writing of such movements at the time}.

Also in times ahead with the aid of my diaries, writings at the time and collections of correspondence, papers, posters, pictures, memories and much more, I will also do up an extensive recording of the ‘Rise and Fall of the once Belfast SWP.

Like other such Movements it will go with that, that I have already written, for lessons learnt {or not} -and a record of such history.

This from the position of Branch Secretary of all 4 SWP branches for a spell {due to the fact as the 'party builder' I moved from building one strong branch sometimes 15 - 20 in attendance then moved on to a weak branch of 3-4 people to build that up.

The prob was that when I left one branch for the next then that branch would in effect eventually almost collapse {or actually collapse until I again went back to kick start it}.I therefore eventually got to the stage where I decided that I was not going to run about from branch to branch like that. This more especially as I was starting to have real probs with the wider SWP}. Then I was Belfast Secretary, and Northern Secretary, was a member of the Irish Political committee, and a ‘Delegate to the International Tendency.

It will cover from 1996 and sitting in a room with a couple of people counted on one hand, through to the building up of the Belfast SWP {97, 98, 99}, then initiating campaigns and marches onto Belfast streets and mobilising for afar{2000, 2001, 2002}, then moving then to the height of initiating and at the fore-front of large scale and mass Movements onto Belfast streets and mobilisations again afar {2002, 2003, 2004} and then, unfortunately to its regrettable fall.

Therefore such will also be recorded in voice – in times ahead and I will do that from my own understanding.

------------------

Well I had got dressed up in the aul 70’s gear for Halloween all colourful with big peace badges and a massive Afro. And so making my way through the Turf estate {and I must say this year had seen many more than in previous years getting dressed up – a revival perhaps?} – I still felt a bit cat though, heading into the off licence dressed like that. I was heading down to a party at one of Marie's relatives who were already there, so I headed in to the offay for a few cans.

Well, I need not have felt wick, as presently being served was the Pope who was saying ‘bless u my son’ after being handed his cans, and also hidden at the back was Osama Bin Laden

So I felt less cat.

So over the last few days I had met and seen many from our wider families from many generations, at various events.

I have been fortunate to have such good families and people around me, and as I grow older and many pass on, I remember them with fondness.

From all that had been thrown at him, then, to rise up from upon those knees

2009-10-21T03:57:00.000-07:00

On my 39th birthday I was taken out for Dinner at another new restaurant, with firstly a few jars in the Europa hotel where Marie and I used to go to in the evenings to listen to the pianist years back. It was also the place in which we spent our engagement 12 plus years ago.

It is but months now to my 40th and although I feel and look little different I can ever more acknowledge my mortality. Indeed even in recent days I had found out that another two of my relatives may only have weeks to live, and again they are but in their 50’s.

It really puts it all into context how little time some of us have on this earth.

In recent times we had also found the need to go back to one of the streets we had lived when we first met {that of Malone Avenue} before dandering back to town past the Europa Hotel and the security awaiting for Hilary Clinton’s {US secretary of states}imminent arrival.

And as we did I looked to Black Mountain, and in doing so I again had seen that child all those years ago knelt up upon our mountain with arms outstretched, but this time, hearing that child’s heart-wrenching and turmoil filled echoes, louder and louder in mind. Indeed over recent times as much clears in mind, times and places, sounds and feelings of yesteryear become more precise and profound.

And as we then looked up at the Europa I thought of all that had been put against that child, with little hope, and with his hatred of the state and her armies. I then thought of the child moving to become a young man travelling the world, owning his own home in leafy suburbia, sitting for a short time as an {Dep}Executive Officer as a Civil servant, and much more achieved in material gain.

Yet looking back I realise, that in some cases doing such and gaining much, was at times also about impressing others while seeing if I could achieve that which I thought was unachievable {as I had continued to do within much which people thought was unachievable, something that ‘they would never live to see the day’ or indeed that which was seemingly impossible. Yet somewhere, somehow, in many cases there was always a black face about}.

Indeed in time I came to realise there was much more than that of excessive material gain and such accumulation of wealth, and in doing so, also began on the path to finding myself.

Then we had went to the re - opening of Belfast City Hall and briefly as we stood there I had looked to a spot not far from the Burger King shop and remembered back to an evening in 1995. Where if one looks carefully at the pictures of the time you will see as with many such historic moments, a black face {while at other times that face is unknown in the background}. This time though it was within the masses who were greeting a US president rather than in years that where to come - of mobilising and leading off mass protests against one - in Belfast.

On that night as the Xmas lights where being turned on, on the young man’s black face he wore as always his eyes of nothingness, but this time with a face of hope.

Yet it would be 7 months later, that he to would begin his journey for change.

Yet I thought also of the past discrimination of this place for many years for the Nationalist community and of the War and the murder and mayhem caused and that of the state and the Loyalists who had killed and murdered so many of those I had known.

Then as my mind came back again to listen to the Lord Mayors speech I had thought afterwards, again, of the young man and a few years back, and the old chamber rooms of the Belfast City Hall.

‘My invite had originated from the heart of Loyalist and Protestant working class communities, from community organisations of the Shankill Road and from the Mount ‘Vernon estate, amongst others.

Although from the ‘Republican Heartlands’ it was indeed such working class ‘Loyalist communities that had afforded me my first such platform and I was glad and privileged to be asked to speak at another such event, these years later, and at this important time.

And as I sat there, and looked around me, I knew it was an end to an Epic Journey, but with that – it was also the beginning of another.

I then heard my name in the distance, as I was still in thought,

…… ‘let‘s welcome our distinguished guests…. ‘Davy Carlin…………….. Founding member, organiser and spokesperson of the {Belfast Anti War Movement and} Stop the War Coalition and Movement …….. The Founding member, Chair, and spokesperson of the Anti Racism Network, and Movement…… Founding member, Chair of the Make Poverty History {NI} Movement. ….. ……
I then felt a nudge and looked to my left, and Marie smiled, and with that she switched on the mike.

— And so, that once child of the Ghettos, now the man, arose to his feet, under the roof of the once Bastion of unionist mis-rule – and at this Journeys end –
And with that - he looked once more around the council chambers, briefly, at the sheer make up of grassroots citizens etc, from many sections of our society, and with that,

- he breathed in – then spoke –

- CITIZENS,

- THE TIMES,

- THE TIMES,

- THEY ARE A CHANGING…………………….

I had also in the last while received contact from the BBC in regard to my story, my journey, and my reasoning to write. I thought of what I had stated in regard to how the BBC raw {London} had portrayed my journey in the past, yet on being contacted by various, local, I acknowledged that a genuine mistake had been made.

And so I agreed to do both radio and TV studio interviews and readings in relation to both my journey, and my writing. I thought deeper of this specific journey of writing. I thought of the young adult who began, as he got older, to find it more difficult to write than he did as a kid. I thought of the adult with mild dyslexia and that journey to better my writing - and it is improving step by step, with help.

Sitting in the various studios I thought of that, and I thought of how ‘My community’ as a child had stated to be wary of the BBC as it ‘was a propaganda war’ I suppose that had stuck in my mind and was enhanced with what has went on recently. Yet I am now acutely aware how much of the mainstream media works and where its interest lies. But in regard to what went on before with me, I drew a line under the sand and moved on.

And to be fair to the local BBC, I now have no props in that specific regard as I have made my points about it previously also on my blog. And indeed whatever is written or attempted to be revised about oneself it is my blog and my spoken words that one can refer back to, to get my real thoughts.

Yet as I listened and read of my intro at various times, ‘Davy Carlin, activist, award winning writer, author,’ I did for an instant, as I sat there, think of how far that journey also has progressed.

And I thought, again, briefly of a few years back and as to how I was flown to London, this time by ITV, to be interviewed live as part of Black History month

And so as I and the other three well established, authors, broadcasters, journalists, playwrights etc sat on the panel and hosted a whole day of interviews and workshops for 100’s of budding local writers who were embarking on writing about events in their lives that where important. I thought more about how my writing has really impacted and has helped also many on their particular journeys.

And when asked when my autobiography will be completed and would I come and be interviewed about it. I said I would come on and be interviewed, yet on that journey, I replied that ‘I have more to do and there is more that needs to be done’ before completion.

Saying that, it not the mere fact of writing but it is what one is actually writing and saying that is important. And as I stated before I am aware that my journey has went and continues to go far and wide.

Even in recent weeks I have been contacted and told, that relatives and aul friends afar are reading, downloading and storing my journey, that Anti fascist- Anarchist and Revolutionary Socialists from Scandinavian countries and East European countries through to Middle east and African countries and more {outside more local European}-are downloading my talks and writing’s for distribution and discussion amongst others.

Then there are the social democrats and liberals and more in other places of the world following that journey.

This just in recent times.

So I realise that although my actual writing has not been the best {although improving, if I take time when writing} what I have to say and my journey has been important. Secondly I think by both writing such blogs, and by doing more in depth writing and interviews it has found an audience and an interest for many varied.

Yet on one of the days {Oct 22nd 2009} while I was inside the BBC studios I would later be outside also in protest.

Indeed on that very day that I {recently at the forefront of anti racist and anti fascist activity} was in the BBC TV studios in Belfast the far Right Fascist leader of the BNP was being invited to sit in the London BBC studios for the first time at such an event. The repercussions, protests and confrontations that followed such an invite are set out below {as I had written on another site}

'Over 100 people attended the recent rally at the BBC over the inviting of the BNP onto BBC question time. The rally called by Youth Against Racism on the 15th October 2009 and actively supported by many others including that of the Belfast WSM – had seen also up to 20 possible Fascist supporters of the Fascist BNP party.

Yet the stand needs to be taken against the BNP being given that platform.

Yet by giving fascists such a platform, protests have been called, the first such fascist mobilisation has taken place in Belfast since the 80’s, and the real possible of confrontation looming outside various BBC studios this week to stop those {fascists} who would smash democracy - getting a platform to bolster themselves.'

The rally of the anti fascists standing firm called for momentum to be built for the rally on the 22nd. As stated before, this time around I will not take a ‘visible leading role’ in this stand but more of a ‘back role’ - but will still be in attendance at such called demos, as I, and others where at the last one in South Belfast which was attacked – and so sent the whole situation {and our wee place} once again around the worlds screens.Reading and attending such events in recent times I will state but a few things, presently, that need to be taken on board.

Firstly tactics are essential more especially that for the first time fascist’s have taken to confronting anti fascists.

What do you do? Do you attack? Do you defend? Do you do nothing? What are the repercussions of each – more especially given the context of our recent times and society?

I think Youth Against racism - and others, took the right call in defence of the rally this time around, {as with the last} but it may differ as time goes on to not only rallies but to stalls to papers sales, to individuals etc – when the ‘Anti Fascist Muscle’ or large scale mobilisation aren’t around – Secondly, as even written {on Indymedia} some are seeking to attack or have jabs {with the power of the pen} at the spokesperson for YAR'.

Indeed lessons had been learnt as with myself as Chairperson of the ARN.

This, as I, as time went on, had got attacks by even some media commentators at the time for standing against racism etc.Yet my reply given at the time {below} was also an understanding not only of beating down the media attacks but working to ward of more very real and present threats and attacks by others who would seek real harm done to oneself and to others.

14/07/04

I AM writing in response to inaccuracies in Newton Emerson’s article (July 8).Newton states that the Belfast Anti Racism Network (ARN) is ‘run’ by a member of the Socialist Workers Party (SWP).

I presume he is referring to myself as chairman of the Anti Racism Network and also a member of the Belfast SWP.

I am proud to be an active member of both groups, as I am of being an active trade unionist in Nipsa and an activist in the Anti War Movement.

In fact standing up actively against racism, fighting against poverty pay or opposing illegal occupations are all issues I am proud to be involved in, as I am also on other such issues.

Yet – as opposed to what Newton states in relation to the ARN – none of these campaigns or organisations are in fact ‘run’ by one individual.

The Anti Racism Network for example is made up of a steering group of seven persons, four women and three men, with several from a minority ethnic background.

They include representatives of several of the leading and largest minority ethnic associations and support groups.Also on the steering group is probably the north’s leading asylum practitioner as well as another with a history working from a legal background.

Many of us are also active trade unionists with Nipsa, Unison or such.With that wealth of experience when decisions are to be made, they are made ‘collectively’. As a black person growing up in Belfast, I witnessed much racism... and for me it came then mainly from the state.

Similarly – as was seen a few years back (published in a front page article in the Irish News) – I had witnessed similar racist behaviour from the southern state.Therefore on seeing the brutal attacks on persons from the minority ethnic community (intensifying last summer), I and others decided to organise against it.

Thus the formation of the ARN.

Newton’s reference to the ARN concentrates on what he believes we have not done, yet he mentions nothing of what we have done.Briefly, as an ‘active’ campaign we have played an important part in putting the whole issue of racism and racial attacks to the forefront within Northern Irish society and indeed at times internationally.With others we have raised the issue of refugees detained and held in prisons.

These people are ‘criminalised’ for seeking refuge.We have organised a city centre rally and with the support of the trade union movement have stood shoulder to shoulder against racism with over 2,000 citizens at Belfast City Hall.We have been a voice for some of the most vulnerable who have feared to speak out.We have established networks around Belfast in local communities which have taken collective and visual initiatives against racism and racial attacks.We are beginning to establish groups and networks in important areas around the north such as Dungannon and north Antrim.

Finally, it should be stated that ARN is not funded like other groups and is effective through voluntary participation using our own time.We all hold down other jobs, with supporters and activists raising money and providing solidarity for the network.

The ARN also has the support and involvement of 25 other organisations and many individuals.The ARN, as a network, seeks to be an active, visual, grassroots, community and trade union based as we continue to expand around the north.

DAVY CARLIN, Belfast 11.

Of course outside of that, and can be read elsewhere, I had sought engagement with and within such communities that much of the attacks where coming from, while also seeking to engage {and work against} the political socio an economic issues that gave such raise – as well as doing, individually, much more, as can be recorded elsewhere on my writing of the ARN.

At times I was condemned for such {and even left my long term organisation in large part because of such}, but tactically for the greater good what I did proved to be right, and at the time it worked.

And so this brings me on to the 3rd point, of what one wants to achieve and to work towards that.

Calling rallies etc are important but if there is a long {or short} term objective then one needs to tactically seek to work that.

For the ARN at the time {as many ask me in interviews etc} what was the greatest achievement {again as written at the time} well we ‘Achieved’ much in the first 18 months or so of our founding.

Again this was in the context of the time, with {in a personal capacity} primarily a politic of engagement {which seen that unprecedented rally with the Combined Loyalist leadership also in attendance}.

And in later years as one looks back one can see that the bringing in of new legislation and laws, reflected now in workplaces, public bodies, the police etc, right through to new funding and new organisations set up with funding, for the minority ethic community – and much more came directly from the RISE of the ARN – of those first 18 months.

And also as written at the time -

'In effect since the Jan 27th rally and within the space of six months we had seen the closing of the Belfast BNP branch, the ceasing of organised overt racial attacks in specific areas for a time thus providing breathing space for ethnic minority communities, the mass mobilisations and rallies, the local mobilisations and rallies, active support and shelter for those put out of their homes, participation in trade union and local community marches, protests at detaining centres at the Belfast International airport, the empowerment of some working class communities against attacks, moving the support of the trade union movement into action as well as trade union councils and trade unions (workers organisations), the censoring and full withdrawal of racist statements from the UUP to the SDLP, the standing firm and putting our 'head' above the water to stand visual and vocally against paramilitary attacks.

Street protests and agitation, paint outs, white line pickets, public meetings, spray paintings – street art, poster and leaflet campaigns, stalls, the sending out of the police (state) and statutory bodies' big guns to attempt to counter our arguments. The police, paramilitaries, far right organisations, state bodies, at times being put on the back foot, the ceasing of organised racist attacks for specific periods in specific areas. The concentration and public focus directed at the socio and economic conditions - deprivation of working class communities, i.e. the lack of housing, facilities and actively seeking to raise and to campaign on these issues.

The raising of Fortress Europe, real support and defence drawn up for those attacked, anti racism gigs, the expansion of the ARN into associations around Belfast and beyond, bringing the immediate situation to the worlds TV screens, solidarity with other wider issues, creating cross community support and activity, gathering and receiving solidarity from across the globe, at times beginning to push the tide of racism back'.

And as written later, there was security, defence provided through to intelligence gained.

And so as YAR have positioned themselves -as those presently - who have taken the initiatives from South Belfast to the recent BBC rally to take the lead in that stand this time around, these are but some experiences gained of the first such stand and movement created at that time.Momentum will of course be created to move more into taking such initiatives - but at the end of the day as I have always stated {despite my probs with whatever leadership} -that who ever calls such, it should be supported.

Now for me and others a ‘back role’ will be our priority – as we continue to lend that solidarity.

---The 22nd was also to be the day of the official opening of the Ulster Museum and the day in which I was to flick though the thoughts of others on the budget for the devolution of policing and justice.

In recent times we also seen both the issue of decommissioning talks and ceasefires announced both in regard to the OIRA and the INLA.

Well over the last while have been out with family, friends and comrades, from house parties to fiddle eh dee pub sessions and more.

With the Belfast WSM we have done our meetings, paper distro's and more agitation as always.

And once again in the early morning I took a wee dander up upon Black Mountain.

And as the sun rose and the rays of energy punctured my skin I looked over the city of Belfast. I thought of my life journey and the many times I have come here since childhood. Sometimes to sit with others, other times to sit with myself and my thoughts. This time as I sat I thought of the many roles I have had in life, and so I thought briefly of now being branch Secretary of the Belfast WSM

Then my eyes looked up from upon the city and looked afar. I thought of the many journeys held within that journey of life, and I thought of the reasoning to it all.

And I thought that in the time ahead another journey intensifies; as I seek to further and deeper understand my being, my reasoning.

And with that also in mind, I looked out afar and knew that there are others with my genes, and thought of the many journeys and many emotions I may feel in the time ahead as I further embark on such.

As I made my way back down our mountain to the top of the rock and into the heart of the Murph and Turf I knew that despite all that had been thrown at me and despite rising above it and rising from up upon my knees that this, nevertheless, may be the hardest journey of all.

The rise of the Foot Soldier – and those lessons to be learnt

2009-09-22T04:38:00.000-07:00

It was at the age of 7-8 {1977-78}that in the late evening a hurried and repeated knock came at the back of the home {upstairs window}we had lived in, in 6 Sevastopol Street {on the Falls Road}. Our home like many others in the street had outside toilets, and the houses where old and damp. With that, and due to the poverty and discrimination, there was little hope of work and better conditions - and with war and brutality raging day and daily, for many, little hope at all

And while my parents like many others did the best they could for us children, one could not get away from the reality of our material conditions, and that little hope for change.

And on that night as others slept I went to the knocks and looked out, ‘let us in, they are after us’ came the voice of young blackened faces. Indeed for many a previous time, I had watched as young Republican and Socialist Volunteers had ran along the tin roofs of our outside toilets which ran along the entries, to take on with guns, or to get away from, the British Soldiers.

But my instinct was instant. Instant due to the ongoing brutality and conditions that I and those that I knew and loved where facing day and daily, in what was {I heard} termed daily on our streets - as the occupiers and oppressors.

In saying that, there where occasions that such humanity was shown by some of the equally young British Soldiers. But more especially during periods of heightened tensions such times where then taken from mind, as the brutality came once again on to many innocent - and in continuance

And so, into the house the young Volunteers came, and with the first one through, had seen a gentle tap on my shoulder, and he said ‘thanks kid’ It was that gentle tap and affection of words {and deeds} of one at war, compared to the others at war who had terrorised and brutalised me and many like me that had guided my instinct. Even in childhood.

Indeed I had already been driven to re-act against those who had hounded me in childhood, yet with that tap on shoulder, in my own eyes, and in my own ways, so came forth in childhood – the Rise of the child Foot Solider.

And so before I had went back to bed I checked that all in our home where still all asleep, and they were. Then I firstly got my childhood binoculars, and beret, and put them under my pillow, and with that I began to plan in my dreams my games of war in mind

Yet as time moved on and when the brutality lessened and went, when dreams, aspirations and hope could eventually be lived, I planned in my mind the reality of Peace.

Indeed as I look {also} too far of lands and of the past, the present and the future I dream and see wars of necessity and of wars of interest. Yet for myself as time moved on, it was {and is} an understanding in mind and in activism, that such need not arise again and where we all as peoples can live in peace and can have a life of hope realised.

And in that regard I am aware that many have learned lessons, but for some that curve continues still.

Yet from childhood right through to present that foot solider instinct was always there, no matter how ‘high up’ I got or what I was spokesperson or chairperson off.

And within much I worked many strategies, even in recent times.

Even 25 to 30 years on from childhood during the Anti racism stand; there were the rallies and they where important. But I knew that rally after rally was not enough. Then there was the engagement within some communities that I was hounded for by some on the left.

But such was and is important to do at times.

Then there was the 3rd part in which again many had not known about or where not involved in {again some would have disagreed with some such}.

Firstly it was from the earliest of days about ensuring the security of those at marches and events right through to securing the life and limb of individuals. Then there was the active defence of rallies and individuals, some highlighted before, others as yet not.

And then there was moving from re active to pro active, and the discussion and then agreement of what I would term as ‘squads’. Indeed I and four others at one time where to make up a pro active team to deal with issues that needed dealt with.

And as we made our plans I said at the time that from the onset that we needed to be tight knitted, trustworthy and with little fear for our role.

Similarly as I had stated to others to think very carefully before involvement as the reality of getting involved in such a stand could not be taken lightly as the possible repercussions of involvement could be severe.

Indeed waving placards and chanting and such was important for some, but at other times other tactics needed to be utilised – and dogma would not hold me and others back in that regard.

Indeed on occasions we knew we had been compromised by others. Yet like a lot of such issues in activism, much needs to be unspoken, but above gives another gist of what went on from childhood up to date within activism - and what needed to be done at such times.

But, maybe, more of that journey will be written in the many years down the line.

Looking back at much of before I see that we have moved on a lot, yet there is more to do.

-Jesus, how it flies in, 40 next year! And so then 10 years to my 50!

I’m serious, 10 years is nothing. I look back 10 or so years to this time and Marie and I where in Paris for a romantic week, {a year} and a few months before our wedding. Looking back at the photos of us standing under the Eiffel tower with the clock ticking down, it was like it was just last week.

For me as I have always stated there needs to be a balance between life and activism, and I had found that on many occasions that it is usually those with the least who give the most. Therefore I have over the years sought to find that balance, yet I look back at much that had went before and in many ways if I had not have had such a childhood then I would not be where I am now.

Therefore as I stated before, that in the beginning, the very beginning, it all began with a Rebel’s heart, but I realise that it arose with the rise of the foot soldier – as that is where my heart and interest lays

Dance to the Sound of the Underground

2009-09-09T04:37:00.000-07:00

Below has been updated with other points added into below article

In the short time ahead it is my birthday, I shall be 39 and in a few months it will be our 10th wedding anniversary, while in just over 12 months I will be 40. How it fly’s in. Some say it all begins at 40, others say it is the beginning of middle age, well in the decades ahead if I have even the 30th of the life I have had to date then it will still be quite fulfilling.

Well in the short time ahead I have pencilled in a few meetings, ranging from a public meeting for the WSM through to doing one in the BBC studios with people like Martin Lynch and Malachi O Doherty on the panel with me, on the issue of local Northern Ireland writers, playwrights, authors, poets and broadcasters etc.

On activism, the issue on how to deal with interface violence through to how to practically take on any emergence of Fascism has been of primary concern to oneself in recent times.

On that note I had did an article on the Interface written many years back that can be found on the old Blanket website {as can the article entitled, I think, ‘Conspiracy Theory’ – both worth a re- read} – as such have been in the visible public domain recently.

I also remember a few years back when Marie and I where in Holland and we had decided to make our way into Germany {to taste a real Germany Frankfurter in home soil, and we had several, as we sat on a fountain in some wee village in Germany as the sun beat down watching this world go by - classic} -and it was about that time that I was interviewed by a Dutch news crew on what I had thought of the possibility of the interface walls being removed.

My reply was both one of wishing and that of reality, and I suppose like many around the world who follow our wee piece of earth they wish to see our society at peace with itself. Yet the recent violence at an interface, again which had went around the world; shows still how far we have to go.

In recent times I watched as senator Ted Kennedy’s body was prepared to lay in repose on the 27th of August as the Senator died aged 77. Many politicians here flew to his funeral given the Irish American connections.

Similarly as I had watched the 'death of Michael Jackson from afar. I remember back in the late 80’s winning a disco dancing competition in a hotel in Newcastle; my prize was a huge mirror with a picture of Michael Jackson on it – and so each time I looked into it I saw - 'the Man in the Mirror' {and sang the song of that name}. It was hung on the wall of our family living room for many a year.

Yet I think back at times to the aul dancing scene. For me in the late 70’s early 80’s it was the Ska music for me. I remember in a youth club on the Falls Road with my arms around another kicking my legs up in the air , banging and jumping against everyone and shaking my afro like there was no tomorrow.

A time when one could also finds the mods, the teddy boys, the Rockers, the skin heads, the punks and much more floating about – while country and western through to Rebel and Reggie songs could be heard daily from many a local home – and I dabbled in a few of them.

There was also the Ceili Dances and Irish Dancing that I loved, both done in street parties right through to my travels to Donegal's Gaeltacht over many years

Then came the break dancing and the aul lino on the ground and all sorts of contortionist moves for my early teens.

After that came the madness of the Rave and Acid scene, and at home and in nightclubs all around Europe, on beaches, in the sea, on boats, on and under tables and chairs, on rooftops, in barns and fields etc etc- most of it is a blur with some rave parties lasting for days at a time. But yea I was there, really out there - 'tranced out' for the greater part of it – if you know what I mean. But by fuck - what a trip - over the years at it's height - probably even better than the summers of love of the 60's that I read about .

Indeed there was also the aul slow music and such like, such as the songs from Dirty Dancing in which guys and girls got up and tried to re-inact some dance scenes. And from my early childhood through my teens, right through to my early- mid 20's I can remember my first kiss, my first crush, my first slow dance, my first formal, my first love, my first holiday abroad etc. Like many before me I have laughed and cried, I have loved and lost, I have had real friendhips, partnerships, comradeships and adventures and much more in youth and beyond. And may it have been for hours, days, months or years of my life, there where those within such times who where part of my journey in life.

And while I still bump into a few around the city of Belfast many of them have went off to other parts of our Island while others have went off to other countries and started new lives in Scotland, England, America, Australia, Canada, New Zealand and various other countries around the world. Yet I hold fond memories and pictures of such times, through utilising the local media archives and of the pictures given to me or those I have held. {As well as videos taken at events such as at my gran and grandfathers anniversary {in the house I was born into}. This with a party held away back in the early 90's, through to Marie and my wedding video 2000 {where many within such are already gone from this world - while many others moved on} and of videos of our various trips abroad as we travel the world - and of us on cruises, right up to recently the Middle East and North Africa.

Then also in the last decade videos of me and comrades in Genoa at the height of the Anti Capitalist Movement 2001, and on coming back home watching myself on the mainstream TV news {taped for me when I was away} dressed in black, tooled and masked up and charging the fences and barricades with my eyes of old. This before we were gassed, water cannoned and baton charged, and also here we where to see the killing of one of our comrades by the state as they first shot then drove over his body - in what was termed as the worst riot Europe had seen in 30 years.

Yet times have and are changing since such days, in many ways

And indeed many other situations went around the world screens and again now have more such videos of myself with others. Such as leading of mass and historic {in such terms} Anti War and Anti Racism movements of thousands through the streets of Belfast and further, and of myself adressing crowds of thousands at such times.

And of course there was the baton charges through to, once again, the real threats of death to myself for taking such stands.

Going back further to the late 80s start of 90 and watching myself in a BBC Film Drama called the ' Greater Good through to the mid 80's and another video of a football final I played at an Irish League club. Then to primary school and a TV documentry with myself in it at the age of 10 looking upon the face of Hunger striker Bobby Sands, and further back again of oneself to the age of 7-8 and clips of a child at War watched on the TV screens, with again more brutality and death all around me - this time in childhood.

These and many more I have watched and watch of one's life

- - -And I will { in my latter years} look, watch and read at what will be Historic moments of this 21st centuries first two decades both at home and abroad. And as the volumes of books continue to be wrote of such times and such changes - I will but read and smile - knowningly - at the fuller journey - as the world was changed in oh so many ways. - - -

And so, many moments in time are frozen - as many paths had come together for a part of my and their lives.

And while we all keep such of those friends and family still with us, I know of many when friendships, relationships or comradeships move on, that anger can make them ditch or destroy such memories and photos etc. Yet years, or even decades later, when all has settled and one is mature and wiser I had found that one can look back at such times with fondness.

And from childhood mates from primary school through to secondary school, through to all my holiday's home and abroad throughout my teens and early 20's. From some of my early disco's and my many sporting achievements, with many memories and pictures of once comrades, friends and partners, again long gone and moved on in life- I look back now with fondness of such times.

I suppose that is also part of why I write as I have done for over a decade now, looking back at the past, writing of the present and looking to the future. As even within such times many that had been part of my life have gone, either through moving on, moving abroad, or moving from this world altogether.

And, similarily, as the years tick past I look back at the good times with the many I had closely known from friends/girlfriends, lovers/partners, realtives afar and comrades and more -and smile fondly, and hope all is going well in their lives.

Well, I am just after watching the 2007 film the 'Rise of the foot Soldier', {true story and great film} which gives also a glimpse of the times. Have a wee look at the rave part and it will give you a hint of the music and a gist of what went on.

And this also seen the height of pop through to the Goths in big numbers, Yes I have always said that the 80’s had it all in the way of music, love and revolution in the air.

My dress code as I grew older was of a typical working class ‘man’s man’. A leather jacket, I had a brown and black leather jacket in which I would turn the collars up – to be cool as fuck - as well as a bomber jacket. Head shaved either side and a hoop or a cross earring in one ear. Tight jeans with baseball boots and the tongues opened out {and they had to be tied in a certain way in our click}. A tight muscle shirt tucked into jeans and an array of big buckle belts and a bandanna scarf around my neck that was at times taken off and tied around my head at raves. On one hand two huge bling gold rings {worn at times} – one of a lion that would come in handy in fights {others had knuckle dusters - all the rage at one time} and most of the click had tattoos on arms, legs, back and elsewhere and everywhere.

I remember though quite a while later after the height of the rave scene seeing a picture of myself and a friend either in Tenerife or Cran Canaria in an old Flacon brochure and I can remember being asked to do the photo.

Similarly in recent years abroad Marie and I have been asked to be pictured now 4 or 5 times to advertise cruises and local resorts for the differing holiday firm we have gone with.

I suppose having good looking, young, cool and hip 20 something’s {we are far older than that!} to promote a venue is good – but the next time we will think about charging them!

I think the music in part also helped at times to side step the reality of war. Yet from early childhood the threat of death in real terms was always there. May it have been a head lifted of the ground or popped around the corner or being somewhere or doing something I ought not to have being doing. Indeed 25 years on music was also a soother for me when I was put in no doubt that the very real possibility of my assassination was clear and present for a period of time. At that time I had written out a will in event of my assassination in which I had both picked out the songs to be played if such where to arise, as well as some recording some thoughts and words of ones life.

Even today I listen to the aul 80’s music and also like a bit of classical and have growing interest in music from other parts of the world. Our collections from the Native Americans through to those we have collected on our recent travels are quite regularly listened to.

In recent times Marie and I have also reminisced about all the aul songs now going or gone and the many street games that the songs accompanied - and we could list between us literally scores.

I suppose everything changes, but sometimes it is good to keep and hold on to some of the best of before – even in mind.

Yet there where times where I can image the horror of War in which the brutality and death would not go without effect

I dream of an image and imagine

Imagine the squelch of bottles and knifes being pulled out of flesh

Imagine the taste of flesh and the smell of burning flesh

Imagine like a wild animal cornered, striking out for survival and flesh covered boots and hands.

Imagine looking at the image of blood soaked faces and bodies, and much much more as written

Imagine in childhood and youth of the fresh smelling and white coloured walls hearing many words of oneself, with that of Psychotic, heard again and again, while in the throws of fits and unimaginable turmoil of mind.

Much of it's own making, but later on in life {as I became aware of that that most where not aware of} to understand more, so seeing such self induced turmoil and various self induced hightened emotional states and such brought forth - via various methods.

Yet as I have always stated, I learn much through lessons lived, - - - and that is where I get much of my understanding.

And I believe without a shadow of a doubt that such unimaginable turmiol of mind {May the academics call it psychosis or whatever}-if one can actually come through it then maybe, for some, it may Renew in a part of mind that of which little is known about {unknown}. And with it ‘Advanced Abilities of Mind’ may well come to the fore.

- - -That is my understanding

War is an awful thing, and there where many victims who have long gone but many who survive still.

While our society seeks to move on, lessons, many lessons, need to be learnt as so such need not arise again

Next year I will be 40 so I suppose I am allowed a wee bit of early reminiscing

Change

2009-08-25T04:32:00.000-07:00

As I had stated at the end of my last input that now I will concentrate on the future. But as I had long stated and written, the future to a large extent is about learning {and addressing} the lessons of the past. So below as with future inputs I continue to draw on, and go into more detail on, more specific aspects of the campaigns, organisations, movements, etc of the past that I are think are relevant today, and for the future.

Below I touch on how the Left Revolutionary parties sought to work, and within my experiences the difficulties one can face when it comes to seeking democracy and accountability. And while such parties ‘work’ with each other – finding how self interest is always in ascension for many.

As importantly, I will begin to write of some of the debates and discussions that happened within the course of struggle at the time, and my thoughts on them.

And as stated in previous input I will put up in time recordings taken at the height of such Movements, as well as some wee gems such as my first speech given at Marxism London away back in the 90’s.

Firstly though a brief update.

Well over the last weeks since back from abroad has seen myself with family, friends and comrades, at meetings, doing our paper distribution in estates and city centre. Have been out for a few jars with WSM comrades from around Ireland, have been and tried new restaurants in town, been up Black Mountain on Picnics and been on day trips to more parts of our wee isle. We had went to the West Belfast festival, had watched some gritty drama and plays, Marie and I went to the Movie Drive in to watch the Omen, have been on white line pickets against plastic bullets, had went to meetings against state repression and organised other public meeting. We had went with relatives to see the Tall Ships arrive in Belfast {I had went and seen them the last time they had arrived in the early 90’s} and had great craic.We have attended parades and marches and book fairs, and of course went on our danders through parks, nature trails and walked past rivers and lakes as the autumn leaves even now begin to fall and crunch under foot in all their wonderful colour.

Practical experience -

For me practical experience within working class communities, within trade union activism, within the building of campaigns and movements goes hand in hand with the understanding both of the history of such working class struggles and the learning sought and held within socialist and Anarchist organisations.

That experience for oneself with others had seen a few people in a room moved to 4 SWP branches around the city of Belfast, it had seen campaigns and eventually mass Movements initiated, and then visible change begin to happen.This while also for some engaging and working with and within working class Protestant communities {and therefore obviously given our recent politic dealing at times with loyalism} while still standing firm against the more overt state repression in working class Catholic areas – against shoot to kill, plastic bullets, against orange marches through such Catholic areas, for political prisoners rights {and therefore obviously given our recent history dealing at times with Republicanism}, and much more.

Yet as we began to grow in Belfast and new faces arrived, we had set out to work and debate differently from what was the dogmatic and authoritarian norm of many such on the left in Belfast at that time. Indeed we had also set out to work differently than the other parts of the SWP, {within that, that they where renowned for}, such as opportunism, authoritarianism, dogmatism, mantra, formula politics, ultra leftism through to a continual right ward shift, revisionism of their past political history – and the treating of activists and those that they worked with as little more than numbers on marches or in a room.Of course {for some of us who wished to} we could do little from the regular wider political somersaults they had done- even more so when it came primarily from those unelected to us from afar, or when we where told little – or indeed when we where even lied to. So for us {in Belfast} while we where Socialist’s, it was not forced dogmatically or robotically repetitive within our words or writings, as in other political organisations, or as if in church or Chapel} where we all chanted the same words before saying Amen at the end.

And given our situation and history here, the last thing that those seeking an alternative wanted, was not that of more of the same.Indeed to show to others that not only were we to respect them in activism but that we had no problems in real open debate in all that we where involved in.So rather than initially starting out to attempt to ‘outdo’ the SP in words {academia and sloganism etc – or being fearful that by not doing so that they would outdo us} we worked as above {to really relate} and in doing so ‘out did’ them eventually in deeds {by becoming increasingly more relevant}.{Indeed this was a primary reason for the SP huge reply back to the SWP leadership {and wider circulation} in the late 90’s or so – the rise and growth of the once Belfast SWP – as were the growing political attacks from the likes of Socialist democracy.}

Yet I had come to find how such revolutionary left parties, seemingly, hated each other more than the state, as much of their attention was concentrated on the other organisation {rival}. And this of course had seen rival meetings held at the same time, rival groups set up and marches called, through to the pulling down of posters, verbal and physical threats, the getting of others thrown out of meeting places, the education or re - education of new members against the other rival, huge time spent on polemics attacking the other, etc etc.Indeed the list is endless on how one organisation would do all and everything in its power to ensure the other does not get one over the other – even at times if it meant being to the detriment of whatever essential campaign was ongoing.I suppose though that this was a far better situation than what our recent history has shown us as how to deal with disagreement.

Such as that between rival Loyalist or rival Republican organisations where they just went out and killed each other.Yet looking back one can remember the verbal attacks and sheer anger in the ‘rival’s ‘faces against me when I was at the fore of Movements while {some once} comrades purred with confidence and a tad of arrogance and satisfaction as the rival tried to strike out at us {primarily me}. But we where ‘punching well above our weight’ as I kept hearing it said – and so we where on a roll.

Yet I had cautioned time and again against this growing arrogance and lack of respect to other activists both in word and in letter, time and time again – but ‘punching above one’s weight’ was like a power drug to some. And like so many other organisations when the grassroots back work has been done and influence starts to grow then others will try and pull that under their own control, for their own interests. Yet once I had left {and continued on, to the fore of movements and change} I was well prepared for any attacks, as firstly I had written much at the time, and more importantly the unbelievable support that I had been sent and said to me from the wider Movement showed me the real level of support that I had - as an individual.Indeed even at the time of leaving {my former organisation} they had tried to argue for me to be kept of the ARN platform, this while as chair! To no avail though, while in Derry for a rally I was contacted by another who told me that they had asked why they where asking them {to speak}- rather than 'Davy' to speak, this as they searched to find a speaker {any speaker} other than me.

Yet such and much more gives me a real insight and understanding not only of parties but of individuals and their involvement in politics, as written elsewhere Indeed, then eventually it was only a matter of time after I had left, that our once rival was again purring with confidence, and watching at the demise of the once Belfast SWP.Yet our growth and influence was hard gained, indeed the years 19997, 1998, 1999 where very important in that building process. I remember {and on reading my diaries}, I had proposed and done up the first Belfast bulletin with help from others, {for our supporters, and I had delivered such also within local estates and community centres, colleges etc.} then there came the rank and file trade union bulletins {and a brief college one} such as those in the Civil Service {as we started to build {and further build} groups inside unions, local working class communities, universities and also colleges} Each was written from a Socialist stand point that was regular in practical terms, but never overtly repetitive in political terms.

And so what we where providing was what I had myself called a ‘working Socialism, which was not only readable but practical. Practical, in the sense that not only was it written at the time of agitation, but actively sought, organised, and mobilised on it.With this and ever more members ‘won’ on the basis of working a practical socialism then we would begin to ‘hold them’. And so came our educationals where the history and theory of our political tradition and the working class { for us in Belfast} was openly and with respect for eaches views, debated and discussed.Indeed much work was put in, sometimes 4 or 5 nights a week at times – but it was that initial setting out of how we had sought to work {and write} that had brought us that far – from 4 or 5 people in a room, to all that had been achieved.

Indeed the gaining of such ‘respect’ from the wider activism world and with those in communities and trade unions we where working with continued to grow – as did our membership, our influence, relevancy, and our politics {was only started to be crushed when the dogmatism and authoritarianism, etc was again being forced through by those unelected to us from afar – yet it was fought against but ultimately it won and therefore came, in effect, the ending of the SWP in Belfast in any serious way}.

My first real experience in Ireland of this was when 3 leading members of the British SWP {including Chris Bambery} came to Belfast for our Belfast Marxism {and I remember very vividly when a key figure of the Irish SWP Political Committee went up to one of the SWP figure heads and he said {almost like a jealous kid} why are Belfast getting three leading figures over to their Marxism and we don’t} Similarly when we got a new organiser, who from the start declared his position when he stated that his dream was to work in the SWP centre in London. And such similar was heard from many key figures in my early years, that the Central Committee and the Centre in London was, it seemed, almost akin to Mecca or the Vatican.

It was not long after I joined the SWP {and as Tony Cliff a founding father of the SWP had told another key figure after our meeting – ‘that I would be key to the organisation’} – that I was on the Political Committee of Ireland and had been ‘instructed to go to the International Socialist tendency meeting {of the SWP affiliates around the world}. That meeting {also in visible terms} in those early years showed in real terms, that although unelected, the SWP in London sat at the top table and in real terms {through its methods} was in control of the tendency}.It was in those early years back in the mid nineties that I did my first meeting at London Marxism under the banner of ‘Can Catholic and Protestant unite. {one of the speeches that I will put up on my blog along with my speech speaking as Chairperson{of the ARN} at the several thousand strong {ARN} anti racism { No Excuses!} rally back at the ARN’s height pre 2005 – both of which show the passion of my words and belief}.

Yet there is a difference between passion and that of aggression, arrogance and dogmatism, {I believe it comes in part from that unchallenged Authoritarianism} and such treatment of other comrades and activists. And that first real local experience was seen after we had busted our balls to get scores to Belfast Marxism where we were literally chastised from those unelected to us in the harshest and most arrogant of terms.

And as I looked around at our mostly Dublin based leadership it was, for them, it seemed, all natural, but I knew how much work comrades had put in – and that we did not have to take that that was being spat at us. So I stood up and told them that such was uncalled for, but it was the Irish leadership who intervened {on behalf of the British SWP}, and I began even then to understand that such was the norm {in the wider SWP} and with greater vigour I set out to ensure that it should not be in Belfast.Yet from around 1999 up to the expelling of the American group I was getting more and more politically detached from the wider ways of working of the SWP.

But by the time of the Anti War Movement I knew that the wider SWP’s ways of working where beginning to set in and this was cemented with the arrival of a new organiser to seek control over the almost autonomous {and respected} Belfast SWP .So for me, like many before me it was actually years before I actually left as there are many mechanisms to hold you outside that of the politics. There is the comradeship grown through thick and thin, and then they become your social life and eventually almost like a family.

Yet my gut instinct for the politics of change in real terms for working class communities, coupled with that of seeking an open and democratic organisation that respected not only each other as comrades but others they worked with – would not allow me to stay.

And even in my recent blog input it shows how that opportunism, the seeking of control, the lack of democracy and accountably, the treating of other activists with distain, has even further intensified within the remnants of the once Belfast SWP. Yet this is understandable within the politic of such organisations as they now retreat completely into themselves both in politics and in life.For me I write as so many can if they choose attempt to learn the lessons of such. I also knew as I began writing detailed accounts of the campaigns, movements and struggles that such would be vital against any attacks or attempted revisionism that would come in the years ahead.

Indeed as I look back I have come to understand how vital it was. Yet for many leaving such an organisation, like me, they leave over years. Indeed few though leave formally as many drift away or are seen once a year or so at a given event. And few of those follow forward in a continuance in the political scene. For me though I have gone on to real and important activism that delivers and delivered real change. More importantly I continue to advocate and seek to work in an open accountable and democratic way {that is why as stated in my interview in the opening article of this Blog, that after proposing the name that became the Belfast Anti War Movement {later told by a key SWP leading figure that I should not have given it that name – but the rebels heart was already aflame, I then deliberately proposed the name that became the ARN – as a Network, as so to work on the basis, that the once Belfast SWP was respected {and feared from others on the left} for .

Indeed over the years I have been involved in many campaigns, struggles and Movements and within each I have many memories. Yet within each, many debates and discussions come up on many issues, some in relation to the specific struggle at the time while within others not. One such debate that came up within the ARN was that of groups who sought funding and those that did not. It is on this issue and it’s wider politic that I will make a few important points and observations’ on, in regard to both the political and practical experiences and the consequences of such.

The ARN was set up as a Network and it did not seek funding as it did not want to be beholding to the state, and much of our monies was raised through gigs and donations from individuals through to trade union branches. Yet much of our support came from funded minority ethnic groups.Indeed on many occasions the support we got from such smaller local groups in terms of mobilising and active participation {at our time of need} within the Network far outweighed some of those proposed to be on the left. Many of these funded groups where at the coal face within communities who provided essential services to some of the most vulnerable, and many I eventually found who worked in such a sector did so out of belief more than a career and rewards.
Yet it was left up to individual branches or groups to seek funding if they wanted.

Yet while many who hold the purse strings and many more on the right would like to see such local grassroots groups lose their funding {and prefer it to go on tax breaks for the rich etc} there are also those on the left opposed to funding

Yet I believe that they should be entitled to it, if they so choose to acquire it.For such groups to lose such now would be a travesty for those in need, a victory for the right, and a spur on for the fascists at a time when they are seeking to grow.That is not to say that funding is the way to go to effect real change for those that need it – it is not.Below is a link to a recent article that goes into this briefly.

Link - http://www.indymedia.ie/article/93767

And so while such groups may seek to acquire such funding we need to point out the limitation of going down such a route, this though cannot be done purely in the polemics of No to Funding! It is better to be done I have found in the process of struggle {or with a real event in mind} Where the polemics are given but as in the case of the ARN stating ‘and showing’ - ‘that imagine if this where the route we could take always’, where it is our supporters, our local communities, our local trade union branches etc, that are donating, fund raising, empowering, defending and driving this forward at a grassroots level.

For an instant at the height of the ARN ,some could see that {and most would have wanted it that way} but the reality is that when such comes to an end that financial constraints will mean going back to seeking such state funding – and the real and present world. Therefore it is about getting to a stage where we are not reliant on the state and the Capitalist system for such needs but where we as working class people have the means and production at our disposal to set out and agree our own stall in life on the basis of human need.

Sight beyond Sight, and more, much, much more

2009-07-21T02:50:00.000-07:00

Prepare – Part V

D3

Previous Blog - http://carlindavid.blogspot.com/

Standing below the statue of the great trade union leader Jim Larkin with his arms outstretched, I prepared for an extensive TV interview in regard to the recent racist attacks, and more. Yet I have found over the years that many of the extensive local interviews I have done have not, as yet, been carried, but no doubt they will {I believe} in the many years ahead.

Indeed I had recently taken the opportunity offered to be interviewed by a journalist member of the WSM, {about my life, my thoughts, and my activism to date} as I believe it is important.

Firstly though I will start to put up on this final blog {of this era} some of the audio interviews and such that I hold etc– that I had done throughout the years, {and I had done many}. While some can be found on the net, others cannot.

These will tie into the writings {written at the time}I had done on the various Movements I was involved in, and will help give a more complete picture and record for those interested.

And in the years ahead I may get around to putting up film footage of interviews.

The first one is speaking on behalf of the Stop the War Coalition in the North {which had developed from the Belfast Anti War Movement}

Link to my written history of the Belfast Anti War Movement, can be found through here

Link – http://www.indymedia.ie/article/85828

This interview was done for USA listeners {April 2003} and I had done it with Mairead Corrigan McGuire, a Nobel Peace Prize laureate.

http://www.democracynow.org/2003/4/8/over_1_000_protest_in_northern

And so the recent interview -

Part 1 - Growing up in the Ballymurphy estate, early experiences of racism from British army, poverty & community spirit, state brutality, riots & republicanism. And being chased on many occasions through derelict buildings {and a house or two not derelict} by the British army as a child, to the words off ‘get the wee black bastard’. While on occasion they would not follow me through the houses, derelict or not, probably because they thought I could have been luring them into a trap where IRA volunteers could have killed them.

Such was the times

Part 2 - Moving to the Falls Road then to the Twinbrook estate, plastic bullets, murder at the hands of the state of some of those I had known {and they had murdered dozens of people I had known including children},overcrowding, death of Hunger striker Bobby Sands and pictured looking into his coffin as a child, school, education and the trauma of the war, moving on & getting work, first contact with protestants, Trade union activity, sectarianism, racism & class politics, and joining the SWP.

Part 3 - Socialist Workers Party and problems of top down leadership, the Anti Globalisation Movement, Belfast Anti War Movement, Anti-Racism Movement {Network}, Street Scene, {Make Poverty History Movement}, Organise!, Workers Solidarity Movement and what anarchism is about.

The audio link - http://www.indymedia.ie/article/93274

Also another link and recent photo - http://www.wsm.ie/news_viewer/5830

And so {also for this new blog} a link provided, which records accounts of much of the Mass and Historic Movements {including the first such Anti Racism Movement ever seen in the North of Ireland} and working class actions as talked about above. This as well as much more, in which I was a founding member an oganiser and chairperson/Spokesperson off- at the height of each.

Indeed I have at first hand witnessed much death, brutality and destruction of war - living and participating as a child within the heart of it {and in which much cannot be talked about for obvious reasons -} and all of the later effects and trauma that such entailed

And so, given that experince {and an understanding that such should not be experienced by others} -eventually, I came from a child at War, to a man of and at Peace -

-Indeed-

- - -And so I had found that many of the ‘big guns’ have so much access and contacts etc to put their side, journey and belief of our history forward, that many others go unheard. Yet I have long known this and have written for this reason and many others, such as against revisionism {and lessons learnt}, for political authority {to come back on this} through to just being able to look back and think of such times.

Fortunately for me, because of that history, that journey has gone {and continues to go} far and wide, and for many others that new open media, is a God send.

I will come back to the issue of the very recent attacks and all that went on, later in the blog. But looking back at the old Anti Racism Network site I see that the record of the first Love Music Hate Racism {LMHR} gig ever organised in Belfast, it’s link, no longer links to the record of the event. And so as the LMHR gigs are up and running again and given that others have asked me about such, I once again put here the report of the very successful, first ever LMHR gig in Belfast, which I had organised with musicians many years back

‘We have also held our first ever Love Music Hate Racism {LMHR} - Anti Racism Network {ARN] joint gig in South Belfast's Empire Music Hall.It was a case of standing room only to the back door.

Many attended from the Network, representatives from minority ethnic organisations such as the African cultural and Chinese Welfare association. Human rights activists and human rights organisations from Amnesty International to the Equality commission, attended.

As did rank and file trade union representatives from NIPSA to Unison, various grassroots community, women's and gay right campaigners also attended.

Grassroots environmental, anti war, anti globalisation, community, solidarity, and campaign activists, where also joined by many people who came along to hear the bands, and to lend solidarity to the cause.

So a broad collection of organisations and individuals lending support, with many people joining up to the network.

A good night and thanks for all who came to lend support for the fundraiser.

Davy Carlin

Chair of the Anti Racism Network.
---

And so, standing under the statue of Jim Larkin, I thought of the trade union movement, and whatever anyone says on other issues, in regard to support, solidarity, and working with progressive Movements in attempting to move our society forward, {in my own experience} they in the North have not been found wanting – on the basis of Catholic Protestant and Dissenter.

And for that, they need to be saluted – by all sides.

Indeed whatever my political beliefs there are also those so called Liberals whose journey’s I have long, long followed, and have watched as they have worked tirelessly for the greater good of our society. They range from a trade union leader who I have a lot of time and respect for. A man who I contacted around the time of the Anti War movement on his mobile, through to the now Lord Mayor of Belfast whose journey for change, I have also long respected.

Indeed within such person’s {and many more} although my politics may differ as to what one ultimately wants to see, I nevertheless respect what they have done, within the remit of their political beliefs and organisations.

And so a few days later {on from TV interview} as I sat and read the local paper, the Andy town news, I seen an advertisement for a new centre just opened on the Fall's road, called the ‘Centre of the Angels` with courses ranging from Spirituality through to mediumship. On another page yet another class is being advertised in psychic mediumship with regular meetings to be held now in the Culturlann also on the Fall’s Road – and also as advertised in the paper, ‘Mediums where to attend a psychic fair in the Balmoral hotel {where we had had our reception after our wedding} – with huge numbers expected to attend the very first event of its kind in West Belfast.

Such was and is the attendance at some of the above meetings {well into triple figures} a ticket system now operates. Yet like many such things some are run purely for business interests, while for others it is a matter of real interest.

Yet, if such - - - is possible, {and one really does have such gifts throughout and within} just think of the real and beneficial change one could bring too many local and wider.

Indeed years back many who had stated belief in such would have been certified delusional or mad, yet for me like all such in life ‘Practical experiences sets out my path in this life.

- - - And within such things, {and so within recent history local and wider} much will and needs to remain unsaid for the greater good - - .And in that context, for some who have joined and had been ‘invited to join my journey, our paths now part and I wish them all the best in seeking a better and fairer society for all - as I move again to other issues local. ---.

Yet for the much yet ‘Unknown, {for those seeking enlightenment and understanding of such in the future} I will state, that it is always best to go to the start, indeed to begin, - - - In the beginning.

And I believe that long after we are gone from this world, many will look back to seek – to understand – - - such history.

And so with that, like previous blogs {beginning or ending}, I again begin this new blog on a day of history.

And so as Marie and I sipped our tea watching the news, I watched as it was announced that Loyalist’s would the next day announce that they have decommissioned their weapons.

And it was to be that a few minutes later, the horn went outside, {and with that, once again, that once child of the Ghettoes of the Murph estate arose to his feet} and with that, Marie and I wheeled our suitcases outside, and as we loaded them into the car my -eyes- once again went to Black Mountain, and then I looked further afield.

-It was June the 26th 2009, yet it would take many hours, but in the morning of the 27th, and as I took out the papers I read {as it was to be} the headlines of Michael Jacksons death– Michael - - was then buried on the 7th of the 7th this year, with 17, 000 tickets given out -}

And so as the sun arose, we would have arrived - and be off the coast of another continent.

And while back home in Belfast as many where gathering and confirmation was being made of historic Loyalist Decommissioning, -Marie and I swam out to sea to a little island, and chilled on a beach, until the sun set.

Indeed many memories are now etched of that place where there are also - now - greater moves to rectify division.

I remember also the heat ‘38 -40 degrees plus at times and Marie and I having to take our backpacks of at onetime and lay under an Olive tree in some ones garden – with them just going about their business. I remember arriving at our hotel for the first week {and thought of the film Shirley Valentine} as a young couple said in disappointment ‘where’s the disco, where’s the people’.

Marie and I just looked at each other and smiled and said it was beautiful. Later in the week we met up with the couple who thought {first impressions and perceptions and all that} that we where about 25 years old {we are still wearing well!} that it was our first holiday {because we loved the place and it’s isolation} And that we where only just going together, {because we where out and about having a laugh and messing about like newly weds}.

They where amazed when they found out our age, that we had travelled {and where travelling} the world, and that we are now heading for our 14th year together!

The wee family run hotel that we stayed {in the first week} when we sat on and looked out from the balcony {at the back} it overlooked the beach and the sea, which was only a few hundred metres away. While as we opened our front door we would put our chairs out in the evening and watch the sun set behind the mountains {red, lilac, orange in colour - beautiful - like we had done only weeks ago over and in Jordon, Egypt, Palestine, Israel, Syria, Saudi Arabia, and more such countries around that region}.

I remember on our last night in this wee isolated place, that as the moon came out at midnight and shone across the sea - we went in for a dip. Then like over the many years on such travels to similar places {Tunisia, 'Algeria, - Morocco, Cyprus, Turkey etc etc} in the distance we heard music coming from a hotel. So we went up to it and brought some of the sun loungers down to our, now, own we ‘private beach.

And with that we lay down and looked up at the stars, swam in the moon lit sea, and danced just the two of us in the moonlight in and out of the water to the sounds from Celine Dion, Michael Bolton, Tina turner and much more for hours.

And at other times during our stay there, we had sat at the sea edges as the sun beat down and the water lapped at our feet and had lunch or dinner, before dandering onwards

Classic –

After our time there we then travelled inland for a few days closer to other boarders - and chilled.

Yet before we headed abroad we took full advantage of the unusually good weather here. With others we visited beaches, parks, lakes and mountains. We went to car boot sales and local resorts and had family get together‘s from the first holy communion of a relative to the death and wake of another.

And of course we had went up upon and sat upon Black Mountain as I looked and watched as always over the city of Belfast, and in recent years -beyond.

Within all such, many memories are now etched.

-Activism and the some of the party political left -

As I have always done I work my activism and much more on that ‘practical experience. For me it is not about academia and producing reels of reports and statistics and such, or about financial gain, or a career or a prop to boost a career.

It is about real life lived – through childhood, youth and young adulthood and seeking to move forward real and visible change for those most in need of such.

And so when some write about repression and death, I understand such as I felt the brunt of it and witnessed it close hand

When it comes to racism, and the beatings {at times I thought almost to death} and brutality that one had to face for being ‘different, I understand it.

When it comes to real poverty and days without food and increasing debt, then I understand it.

When it comes to homelessness and sleeping on the streets and fed and clothed by charities {and thinking of being to proud to go to family} then I understand it.

When it comes to the ravages of drink and drug abuse, then I understand it.

When it comes to battling - so called 'mental illness', then I understand it.

When it comes to dyslexia and the taunts and jeers of others because of it, then I understand it.

This and much more I fully understand, {from life lived} and have battled and stood against - including many real threats over the years to life and limb for my stands for a better society.

And more importantly, the battles that followed to bring such to an end and to rectify the situation I understand how difficult it was. And I know that despite all the loving support of family and those close to you through out life, despite the help from various charities and agencies – it is you yourself that needs to dig deep, deep down within yourself {and within mind} to effect such change in life.

And then for me, much more was moved to change local and wider, with an understanding that I would not be dictated to or controlled by anyone, or used by those unelected to me as a puppet on a string.

And it was those real life experiences that I brought to fore {that willed me on - and indeed without having lived such - maybe- much that had been moved to be would not have done in such terms} - when with others I had set up those newspapers {and set on those editorial commitees such as 'the Blanket' website}, formed those solidarity campaigns, stood against state brutality and repression, initiated movements, secured visible working class victories and change that can be seen in concrete and many other ways -, and much much more – yet to be written and fully understood.

Indeed to listen to myself with the knowledge and experience of such history {and therein, my own political authority, while using ones abilities for the greater good and also seeking to work within {and find} an open democratic and accountable organisation } . Indeed to use such life experiences and abilities to attempt to effect change within my life, and in many other wider ways – and to that end, I have been successful.

Well over recent times the Belfast WSM has been very active.

We have lent solidarity against sectarian murders and more. We had lent solidarity and held public meetings with the Visteon Workers, we had organised Day schools and educationals and recruited new members. We have marched and rallied, and provided support and defence for those in need, and much more.

And now as I stated above I will write of the recent racist attacks.

An account {as always written at the time} of the recent racist attacks can be read on this link.

Link - http://www.indymedia.ie/article/92709
This covers the ins and out of what went on – and should be read before reading next points.

Despite genuine belief in fighting racism there was within this time the usual party politics and jockeying for position at play, I believe. There was, I believe, the party political sectarianism which such was the height of it that it could not even bring itself to even advertise an anti racism meeting! And there where also those who stated that I ‘cannot use the Anti Racism Network ‘ name, to which I e-mailed back and stated that anyone in the ARN could call and advertise any anti racism event as a member {not as the steering group}. Indeed I stated that it was me who in the early years had advocated such open and democratic ways of working.

A gist of the conversation on the day of the rally with those who organised the City Hall rally {which I signed my name to the rally call and also advertised – as the priority for me was the more things advertised and called in support and solidarity for the anti racism stand the better, no matter who organised it – momentum was the key} – is below-

And it would be hilarious if the issue was not so important – but it does give a glimpse, I believe, of what party politicking is about -

I approached one of the key figures who had made the call {after I had sent out the call for the meeting} and asked could they advertise the anti racism meeting. I was told no. I then asked why, and the back was turned on me {and moved to speak to another}. Then they turned around and stated, oh we have called a meeting, I stated brilliant, the more the better for support and solidarity - so would they advertise this one also. The back was then turned on me again. Then another key figure intervened. And stated that I did not go through the steering committee {I was going to state that any person can call any meeting, and I did because nothing had been called to date} but instead stated that how could I {if I had wanted to} if there is no functioning ARN steering committee. To which the reply came, I know there isn’t, but, but, - and another back was turned on me.

Yet such things are irrelevant to me, {but important to note – for lessons learnt} as I had stated above I will not be dictated to or controlled by anyone, and I have {as here also} always sought to make campaigns open, democratic and accountable.

More especially that if nothing is called and such situations are grave then I will not wait endlessly about for others, but seek to call for support and solidarity in an open, democratic and accountable way.

Yet when such is the mindset seemingly of control, then as always I with others will create momentum to move such forward or indeed initiate something else to ensure the same outcome.

Indeed while attempting to build and call for support for the recent rally {called by the local community and by other anti racist and anti fascist activists in south Belfast} it was for me primarily to lend support to the minority ethic community, but it was also a case, for ‘some, to stand to the fore with, and ahead off, the young activist residents from the area putting themselves at the forefront.

With that, the world’s media came again to our wee city, and with my call going out, arrests being made, and the politicians, and NGO’s etc now putting their full wait behind the issue – momentum was then created on the issue – and so then a rally was in the offing – with a further ICTU one in the time ahead.

It also showed the real caring face of Belfast citizens in the time of need as doors where opened and food, clothing and more were given.

And at the meeting called I proposed {despite the way others had treated oneself - indeed over the years may it be backs turned on me through to threats, it mattered little, as support, solidarity and real and visible change for those that needed such was what was - and is in mind } --

1] That all to sign up to the ARN network, {with several political organisations in attendance and others ranging from priests to artists.
2} To support and call for support and solidarity for all ARN calls
3} To, publicise any attacks.
4} And for a person to contact the other meeting to ask for a wider meeting that could be open democratic and accountable so all could have their say as how best take the issue forward.

And with the momentum created -and although no feed back has come back for that wider meeting -, a new ARN 'steering committee' had also now been 'moved to be set up at the other meeting. And we have also seen several new anti -racism groups also set up by others.

Yet as stated above, any calls on issues of anti racism should and will be supported, as should any other calls by whoever seeks to stand firm against racism and fascism if it arises overtly again – no matter who calls it.

Yet even recent events further confirm how others seek to work - and the little change, in my view.

For me, the party political 'Revolutionary left' I had left for many factors including that lack of, and fear of, such democracy and accountability {as also written elsewhere} and also because of the amazing and seemingly endless political somersaults with little debate {which was then to be brushed under the carpet before the next batch of fresh recruits came in}. To me this seemed more and more bizarre the longer I got away from it all.

I remember back when my former party hounded the Blanket website over a particular issue and withdrew it's writers from the site. Yet neither the editors of the Blanket nor others buckled. As for many, apart from their stand, many where fully aware that it would only be but a matter of time when yet another political somersault would be done {and so this time on the basis of opportunism}.

Link to a recent article by Mackers -

http://thepensivequill.am/2009/07/forward-to-rear.html

Indeed on reading this- I too, let myself have a wry smile.

Yet, in my opinion, at the end of that day those that think for them selves and who seek to really effect change for working class communities will indeed tire of marching - round and round up and down and through the street's of the North's towns - with little visible change forthcoming.

This in regard to many such parties.

Similarly at the trade union May Day March I watched as the party left sought to run to the front with their placards and such. Yet I had long thought {and had been told} that it is important to be at the front of marches and rallies even up to quite recently. Yet just watching it from outside of such 'Revolutionary left party politics, I again realised how absurd it was. More especially on that day as those at the back {and content to be there} held many of those seeking not only to move our society forward but where those at the forefront of recent campaigns, solidarity actions, and movements for progressive change.

Yet that is my own personal experience and within this opening article to my new blog, and within the above linked interview, I take this opportunity to state such - as many have asked for a further record of such a political and life journey.

Yet there are 'positive' sides to such, such as good organisational skills gained, commitment, excellent social {pub times} events, agitation, and of course, increasingly, an elected political career {or a prop for- and to- other careers}, little different from other liberal or left of labour parties.

So that gives a gist {in interview link also} of some of my experiences of left party 'activism' over the years - as I had promised to do, and much more can be read through my various blogs for those interested. Again this is but my experience from my own mouth, and will be anathema to some, but maybe lesson's can be learnt and other genuine activist's, I believe, may eventually come to a similar understanding in time.

You know, life journey for us all has it’s up’s and down and while we seek to better ourselves, I believe, it is important to seek to better the lives also for others most in need. Politics or activism is a funny aul game also with its many ups and downs but when one can dander and look around and see the contentment, laughter and visible change enjoyed by others {and to be enjoyed long after your gone} – then it is worth it.

So this is the first input of my Part V. It includes interviews and background of my life and thoughts on past activism and youth - and my beliefs. Now that that has been done the next input will start to concentrate on the future